For heaven’s sake… no more vegan nuggets or meatless burgers

Don’t go yelling at me on Twitter. But yes, we probably do eat too much meat. As someone who craves a tender, slow-cooked lamb joint more than anything, I take zero pleasure in admitting this. I also crave tobacco and lost weekends of binge drinking but have learned begrudgingly over the years these aren’t activities to make a regular habit of. Not that I’m comparing eating meat to smoking or boozing. Creatine, carnosine, B12, heme iron… just a few of the nutrients you can’t get from plants. Try telling the story about that simply awful​ time you went to a café that had no vegan milk alternatives to the stunted kids in India.

I’m no anti-meat-eating propagandist. But the evidence yells we need to eat more plants and fewer animals if we want a sustainable food future.

Again, please don’t shout at me on social but I also love vegan food. My secret love affair began after stumbling the worse for wear on a vegan food truck at Glastonbury. I realise this sounds like the most pretentious story ever. Let me explain. The queue was the only short one I could find, despite the festival’s now erroneous reputation for attracting lentil munching, sandal basher types. There was no look of judgment from the blue-haired girl behind the counter at my beer and burger-stained t-shirt. I knew not what to order. But the kind and gentle soul filled me with an array of brightly colored foods I barely recognised, bar the odd chickpea, all without a juicy animal carcass in sight.

There was something picked here. Something spicy there. Something squidgy. A crunchy thing. Hell knows what it was. But hell was it good and with change from a fiver to boot. I went back to the same stall at the festival, hunting it down like an exited dog with a scent, for the next three years in a row (before realizing all-in-one holidays offer sunshine, showers and edgier headliners for half the price ).

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